Gone
by prettykouka
Summary: Depression hurts. When you lose someone you love, you can't grasp the felling of loneliness and un-completeness you feel then. So hard it is, and so selfish is death to human...


With love Gaby, I'm writing this letter to you,

Dear sister, best friend since first grade, man we have done crazy things together, so great memories.

I would have told you to enjoy the life you had, you needed to appreciate, but I think you knew, I think you knew how it felt, I think you knew that the pain of knowing that death takes away someone you love and doesn't give it back, is unbearable. Death is so selfish.

I'm happy thought that you did enjoy the love you had.

I remember the everyday walks we would have to head to school while the weather was still good, and how goofy we were. That was good and old times. Times that I loved.

I'm sorry for have left you alone in the rain on that Friday afternoon after school. But you said you understood. You told me to go after Zeke. You told me to make things work out before it was too late, and I followed what you had said. I'm sorry about it but at the same time not really.

Because we both know what happened to you on that day. The guys smoking near our street, and threatening you but also you being saved from them by the love of your life: Troy.

I could never thank this boy enough for saving you. Because if he hadn't been here, God knows what those guys would have done to you. He only knows how I would have never forgiven myself for it.

But you met your soul mate on that day, he brought you to his house and warmed you out, called the cops and had the guys arrested. But most importantly, he took care of you. I think he first loved you the second he really laid his eyes on you.

I'm so grateful for him. Despite the rivalry that was in between East and West High schools, with us being West and him being from East, he went over that fact and dated you till the end of senior year, and after that you guys went to college together.

I'm listening to slow songs right now, which is causing tears to gather in my eyes and them slipping on my cheeks. I can't keep on thinking of you. I should have been there for you.

The Back Street Boys songs are fleeing from the radio. And your favorite song is up. Ryan is in the other room, I don't know how he's doing. I mean, he did have on crush on you since as long as I can remember. I just hope that he won't leave me too, because I don't think I would live through so much pain. Losing my best friends is way enough for me you know?

Anyway, on that day that Troy took care of you and loved you for so many years, I knew that you guys belonged together. He protected you when Steve wanted to hurt you, because of you dating a East high student. He supported you when your parents divorced and your dad left your mom for another woman. Everyone was there for you, but he and I were like the most supportive.

I love you Bella.

Sorry about my tears falling on the paper and it being a little bit wrinkled. It's raining outside. I know you love rain and the smell of wet pavement and grass, also the sound of it, but right now, the rain is matching my mood and the way my life feel right now: drained.

I never told you this before, and I just said it out in bold in the paragraph before: I love you Gaby. I love you so much! You can't imagine, I don't know if you'll ever know or feel that…I hope that you do someday thought.

I think you are in heaven right now. I KNOW that you are in heaven. Because like you've said many times before, salvation is not just about believing in God, it's actually having a strong relationship with Him. I understood that a little bit after your accident, and I knew you had what was necessary. I'm not saying it because you are gone, but I know that you really really loved God and you proved it every day.

I know you were desperate after your precious lost. Everyone was. Could you imagine Katie? Katie was sooooooo desperate. Like crazy. She comes at my house all the time now. And she wears all of Troy's clothes like she's trying to hold the scent in, like she's trying to incurve his existence more in her life. I'm telling you his little sister was crazy about him. And when he let out his last breath in that car collision with the truck of that drunk driver, I've never seen her so dark. Remember how she use to come over at us and just talk endlessly or just laugh her head and soul out at every joke we use to make? Or the sleepovers, and when we use to kick Ryan out of the house, and forcing him to go at somebody else, because we had the whole house to ourselves?

Do you think she loved Ryan? Because she looked pretty attached…

Anyways. You know, when you did that accident with that girl, I was really angry. I really was. Because when she came up to me at the hospital, she only had caucasion on her head, she said that she was deeply sorry about you being in coma. She said that she was mad and really sad because she had just found her boyfriend sleeping in with her best friend. But I stayed numb. I stared at her in pity. She was in a wheelchair, who knows why, and I looked at her and told her, whatever sorry she had, she needed to keep it for herself because whatever she was saying was never going to pay for what happened to you. Never. And before walking away, I told her harshly that losing her boyfriend would never ever compensate for the lost of you. You were like my soul.

''If she lets out her last breath tonight, I swear you are going to regret it all your life. I can't believe that you have made my best friend to get into a car accident so bad she could die right now, because you had found your boyfriend sleeping behind your back. She 's dying and you only came out of the accident with what? A bandage over your head and a wheelchair? I wish you could die with her. Then that would compensate for her lost. And even then, she deserves better than to die like this'' sorry for the harshness. That was what I told that girl. Sorry again, I know you wouldn't want that for her ever. But I was so mad.

I got up from my seat and they accorded me access to your room after you mom had visited. I sat there all night and cried at the sight of you. You were bruised everywhere, but beside it all, you were the most beautiful thing ever.

You always were so pretty. It was like such gift.

And then, in the morning I was thrown out of the room when your beeper came to a stop. I cried so badly, and I never understood what happened. I just saw a bunch of nurses and doctors rush to your room, and while I washed from the window, they closed the lids, and I wasn't able to see you anymore. You left me Gab.

It wasn't fair. But it wasn't fair of you loosing Troy also, but my heart aches so much, I don't think anyone can feel my pain. But then again I think God does…maybe.

Do you think He sees my tears? Do you think he sees my pain, feels it and has compassion?

I know you would say yes. But how can I be sure?

I just looked over at the picture of us too while we were at the surprise party you threw up for me. And I saw the verse on the frame that you had attached, after Troy left.

''I see your tears. Hold on, I won't make this last forever.''

My tears are coming back Gabs. I want someone to hold me thigh just like I had when Troy left for you.

I miss you both very much. I hope that you guys are both happy up in heaven.

Ouch. My neck hurts because of all the pain. It's like shocking me.

AH!!!The songs changed again, and your song, yours and Troy's came up. You know the one that is in French that you both loved. The one were a boy and a girl are singing to each other, valuing each other, and telling each other how much they love each other.

I remember the night of the ball, when Troy made the DJ pass that song and you guys were the spotlight of the night, and thank God we had put water proof mascara, or else the whole thing would have been ruined.

You guys were so cute on the stage together. I put that picture near your grave. I know you loved it. Katie has one too. She has made copies of it and put it everywhere. There's one in her room, in her locker apparently, she even has a tiny one in her wallet. The lost of you both is really affecting her bad. But Chad's little brother Mickey, is taking care of her. They are in love now. At first, Katie never trusted him but now, they are like inseparable, and they talked to each other all the time, they have nearly all classes together apparently at school.

Chad hasn't taken it good also, but he's getting better. He's letting his hair grow now. You know how Chad loved his hair? Right after he heard you were gone, well he shoved the whole thing off, like he never had long hair. And he kept a cap on every day, like he wanted to hide from everything, from everyone.

None of us are as talkative as we use to be, and I'm sure you guys wouldn't want that, but what can I say? We are all trying to hold on to you as much as we all can.

Don't worry okay? We are all taking care of Anna. She just turned 5 the other day ( I know you know) and she kind of remembers you. I'm happy she does, and I talk to her about you as much as I can, for her never to forget her older sis. I also try not to cry in front of her, not to upset her.

She loves you too, and she goes up to your grave and puts up fresh daisies every month. She's adorable the kid. Her wish, she told be in secret after, was that you would come back to her, because she missed your cooking, your hugs and the times you would tell her bed time stories. I try my best to be there for her. I know you would want that.

I'm going to try to sleep now, it's kind of late. I think it's like eleven. I have courses tomorrow at eight, but the teachers are taking it easy on all of us. But I still work my butt out. For you. I know that's what you guys wanted, I knew you always wanted the best for me, I know you guys always encouraged me in my studies.

I try my best, to keep you alive. But it's not the same.

Will I ever get over this? I hope yes and no, because I don't want you to leave, ever. Even if I don't see you, and feel you as much as I use to, I still think that you are with me. Until God calls me home thought, I can only imagine you alive. The reality of you gone is too painful to bear.

I love you my dear sister, very much.

Xoxo

Rest in Peace

Sharpay…

**I know, this is pretty depressing. **

**It even made me cry. I hope you'll like it, and will leave a review. This is the second story I post in one day! Wow! I thank God for inspiring me in the first place.**

**I love you Lord! This is for you, for your glory. That's what I was born too: give you what belongs to you, showing you my love and share it to others. Thank you for saving me!**


End file.
